The Truth About NATLFED

May 22, 2017

What is your best or worst memory of the cult?

Filed under: Cult,NATLFED,Politics,Uncategorized — ghostwriter1984 @ 21:51

It is my opinion that many former cadre have more “worst memories” than “best memories” from back in the day.  There was definitely a honeymoon period.  After all, the group was intent on recruiting you, so you didn’t suffer from the various torments or physical abuses that came later on.  Some formed friendships that felt genuine, maybe even were genuine, continuing after the cult experience.  Others parted ways for a variety of reasons.

As I look back at the best memories, well, most of them centered around various achievements such as becoming a full member.  At the time, it was a milestone of belonging to a true cause.  Yes, I felt the excitement and happiness.  Did anyone reach that point loathing the day?  Oh no!  I’ve earned a new dot!  It’s relative, of course.  At the time is probably best quantified as a matter of perspective.  Hindsight is 20/20, they say.  I still have a slight scar from the time someone smashed a coffee cup against my skull that required several stitches.

Small achievements brought joy and a sense of accomplishment.  I think most former cadre can remember times with disaster relief units, bringing in and then distributing large quantities of relief items such as food and clothes.  We can also remember being chastised for not recruiting enough through the effort.  People through money, and money through people.  We remember that mantra.  While we did good works, it was never good enough.

Sometimes, we were left in impossible situations.  How many single cadre entities were there?  When those entities did manage to recruit something, what happened?  The new recruit was immediately spirited away to an administrative office, leaving just the one cadre again.  It had the effect of further demoralizing the lone cadre.  I recruited someone and they took him/her away — what’s the point?  Maybe that’s why so many entities with just one cadre remain in that situation for so long.

I suppose there are some who never would have been friends except for a shared existence within the Organization.  I can’t see myself associating with college professors, for example, because most of them have me out-classed.  I’d be lost in conversation without some sort of common ground.  It’s like listening to a classic music station and then reading a playbill.  Chop in?  That work sounds like something Show Pan did.  A doctor would not associate with a working class stiff like myself; he in his fancy BMW while me in my twenty year old Pontiac.  Gosh darn, I need a new car.

There’s a reason many people left.  Ultimately, the circumstances are fairly unique to each person but there are some common grounds.  They grew tired of the physical abuse (or the emotional or psychological abuse).  They felt the Organization lost its way.  They wanted to be with someone (yes, couples had a way of leaving together).  They thought the Organization was the hamster spinning around in the wheel, not going anywhere.  A few left to start something else while others left to find something else.  Some were flat-out tossed out on their butts with no place to go, left in a state of confusion.  There’s more, to be sure.

The Organization became adept at labeling persons who left.  So-and-so was crazy.  We’ve discussed the “crazy” explanation.  Non-medical persons were giving prescription medications to persons they thought met the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders for “Condition X,” and half the time the cadre thought they were taking iron supplements or something else seemingly innocuous.  There probably were some persons who suffered disorders, known prior to the person joining the Organization, of course.  The number of persons diagnosed while in the group might prove disturbing if anyone did a survey.  But then again, who would be unafraid or unashamed to say, “Yes, they gave me the red triangle pills and told me they were iron supplements but never told me they were really lithium.”  (Mm, how many of you are now wondering about the red triangle pills?).

There were several who left who did so under a dark cloud and the Organization said he or she stole large sums of money.  If you ask those persons, they’ll deny it.  They all consistently say that the Organization just said that to instill enmity within the cadre ranks and prevent a return.  Of course, the one person who left with any monies from Oldie’s coffers experienced the exact opposite, with the Organization flat-out denying she took any money at all.  I guess it was made up to sell books or something.

Most of the time, persons who left were simply cadre that gave up and joined the ranks of “them” because if you weren’t “us” then you were “them” (and the cult research sites have multiple articles on “we” versus “them” mentality).  There was always a potentiality the person might realize the error of their ways and return.  There was also the potentiality that the Organization could retread them back into the group.  After all, the Organization invested a lot of time and resources into recruiting the person in the first place.  “Crazy” and “dark cloud” persons were usually not considered for retread.

Lately, we’ve been getting a small number of referrals from Facebook.  I’ve been thinking about creating a profile there to see what all the fuss is about.  After the failure of My Space, that was kind of the end of it for me.  I did have someone contact me who indicated he has been in touch with Mary for the past several months.  I scratched my head.  You do know that Diane was Mary and she died over five years ago, right?  It was tempting to be snarky with funny stories about mediums and levitating tables, crystal balls, rattling chains, etc.  She lost the battle with leukemia.  I’m certainly no Diane, that’s for damned sure.  In fact, most people consider me the desperate lackey wanting to cling to someone important so that I feel important.  Yeah, I’m a loser…

Once again, I’ve digressed from the topic.  What were we talking about again?  Oh yes, good memories and bad memories.  Everyone has them.  It’s all a matter of perspective, which is something your therapist has probably explained to you.  While it may have seemed good at the moment you joined as a Viable Cadre, it actually became an anniversary date that requires reconciliation after the cult experience.  Now it seems like a bad thing and wow, why didn’t I realize that at the time?  If  you’re insulted by the plain speech of an average person, Ross and Hassan have good web sites.  If you’re trying to recover, this isn’t the site to hang out on; go to a professional.

We used to have a lot of persons contributing to this site, but many moved on with their lives.  I’m okay, you’re okay; I’m not okay, maybe you’re not okay.  The trolls and apologists still come around, although not very often.  I think they miss the good old days of Diane going head to head with them.  If you’re looking for amnesty or forgiveness, this is the wrong site.  I’m not able to offer absolution.  I can only ramble about my perspective.  You can either appreciate it, think I’m full of it, respect it, hate it, whatever.  I do know that I get tired.  I lost a lot of years.

Oldie always said that the Organization was your retirement.  Ah, if only that was true!  How many former cadre who invested so many years could expect to draw upon such a pension?  The reality is that there is no such thing.  Even if you’re still in it, how many current cadre have you seen actually retire?  No, they either leave for whatever reason or they die.

There are some sad memories I have.  Persons died while in service to the Organization.  I remember Polly and think what a waste for someone so young to put off medical treatment in favor of 16-18 hours a day service to the group.  That made me angry; she could have been saved.  Jim was another one who died far too young.  I’m not saying it’s less important that the old died simply because you expect that after a certain point.  It still hurts.  The good reverend, of course, as well as Pops and Robert T., just to mention a couple.  There was the medical student who left the Organization, a young man, who suffered a rock climbing accident and that was also sad.  When I die, I’m sure Margaret won’t even bother to come piss on my grave.  Oldie always said he was going to do that to Jeff’s grave.  Too many deaths yet we move on in life.

As always, the ramblings of this crazy person don’t amount to a hill of beans.  No one cares.  Oh wait — there are family members still suffering the loss of loved ones to the cult.  They want insight.  Someone once suggested that I was so damaged it scared the hell out of her and she feared for her son’s mental health (among other things).  Yeah, I’m broken.  Toss me into a trash can and find another blogger, or repair me with gold to make me more beautiful.  (Japanese pottery reference, by the way.  Aren’t I such a clever person?).

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.  Okay, so apparently there are only around one hundred people who are part of the solution in the entire country.  Maybe it’s as high as one hundred fifty cadre.  I don’t know.  We can only go by reports of entities with just one or two persons as full-timers, and there’s no way of knowing with any certainty how many are in the WROC or NOC arenas.  Someone gave me the name of a PP OPS and indicated he was OPS for ten years, leaving me to scratch my head, never knew him.

I don’t know if Diane’s favorite apologist still runs his/her/its blog.  Check it out if you’re interested.  I gave up on it after the cavalcade of former cadre “outed” articles.  Vicious.  I don’t know what was worse, the ones he outed that he guessed right or the ones he outed that he guessed wrong.  Apparently when I was ten years old I seduced men into joining the Organization, which is just a disgusting mentality for someone to have, a classic justification by a pedophile.

There are those still trying to find a way out of the Organization.  They’ve been in it for so long they know no other way.  They feel trapped because they’ve been in it for thirty years and they have nowhere else to go.  They’ve fallen victim to the rote that the cult requires.  They may realize that it’s all a lie, but they’re afraid to leave.  What will happen to them?  It’s too late to start a job to earn a real pension.  Even priests and nuns get to a point where they can retire and the church takes care of them.  You can’t retire from the cult.  You work in it until you leave or die.

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